sick

I'm sick of life. 

one second he is ok and the other hes not

what the hell does he want from me?

Sleep Time!

Its around 4 am now and I'm stil awake~ tehee :D

Well he told me to sleep but I need to download a korean drama. So I just end up saying I will sleep.

But shh dont tell him. hehe

I will sleep later. just 10 more minutes. >.<

Breaking Bad

I've been so good lately when I started to ignore some of the heartache memories. hehe

I had soo much support from my friends. So I'm good so far. :D

However, recently my brother gave me this series called Breaking Bad. I thought like meehhh not interested in some old man movie. But then I give it a chance then BOM! I stuck with it. LOL XD

It is such a beautiful series of an old man who will die then trying to breaking bad. like when teenagers like to break in to bad teens in their age. tehee :)

The movie makes me regret for not focusing in my chemistry class :(
nahh :P

US

The story of us. We had back together again. But its kinda not the same as the last time we got together.

No more sweet and romantic texting.

Maybe I should wait a little longer before things get back to the last time we stopped.

How I miss the old him.

I wish he didn't get tired of me. I try my best to recover back the situation.

Please give me enough strength to do this.

I know I will cry but at least I don't want him to know bout it.

I miss you 'sayang'.

No more

He said he jealous coz I talk to other boys. I stopped talking to them. Even with my own bestfriend.

Even if he couldnt see it, I stopped talking to them. They all curious why I suddenly become unfriendly.

I did that coz I want our relationship to be stronger. He can trust me and I can trust him.

However, he have soo many girl friends. too many. If I can sacrifice and stop talking to even my own bff then why cant him?

I think I just some useless girl that he only wanted when he said so. and throw me away when he doesnt want me anymore.

Its hurt.

Even how much its bleeding inside, he cant know about it.

Its because I love him I dont want him to know the pain that I bear inside.

I had cry for soo many days until my nose bleed.

And yes, its bleeding. Its hurts on the outside and in the inside.

What I can say now is, if he doesn't want me anymore then I have to walk away from his life.

There is no more reason for me to cling on him.

Now, I just have to wait for his "end" word for me.

Then I will slowly take my step away from him.

And when that days comes I will end the chapter of my life.

The feel

I think I'm sick. I'm gonna be sick for a few days now.

I just gotten to used to his words of 'I love you'.

Just face it. I wont be hearing it anymore.

Its just a feel. A feel that I can know he would not love me the same anymore.

No more "I love you" "I miss you".

He didn't called me anymore even when he know I'm sick.

He called me by my own name. No more sweet name like he used to called me.

No more everything.

What is left is just him.

I missed all of that.

I missed it a lot.

Can I?

Can I just sleep without crying?

It hurts so much.

I wish I can tell him.

But I dont wanna be a burden to him.

Crying, crying and crying.

I have so much tears.

In touch again

Now I'm back in touch with him again. I'm the one that starting to text him back. Coz I dont think that hes ever gonna text me first.

Its not the same anymore. His words, his attitude..its not the same anymore.

I want the old him who always there for me.

I'm hurt but I cant say it. coz I'm afraid it will only make him bored of me.

I've been wondering. 

Is this LOVE? Are we still in love? Or we just afraid of losing each other coz of the pain that we will bear after the break up?

I don't know the answer to it.

Life

Its hard to say the end when deep in my heart I still love him. I dont know to who should I say this.

I had been fighting with my family about him. and now when I got my family blessing He is gone.

I still carry around my handphone. wishing that I can still get his text or call.

If he ever cross my blog, in this entry, I just want to say to you that I STILL LOVE YOU. Please come back. I had no reason to find any other guys. Until you officially tell me face to face that you will let me go then I will believe that its all over between us. Until then, I will think that you just too busy to text me or you didnt have any credit to text me. I will leave it at that until the day we meet again come.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbJHQ90bkDs  <<< this is the last song that I gave him. "Girls Day - Dont forget me."

I gave to him when I was thinking about him. then later that night I found out he wanted to be single.

How clichae right.

I guess I would never had the same day like I used to ever again until I come back to his arm.

The End

This maybe gonna be the end of my post here. I had been hurt for so much and I dont think I can get back on my own very soon.

Love is a word I dont want to hear anymore. I dont think I can put my trust in love ever again.

I trust him so much and what did I discover? He wanted to be single. A facts that he put in his Twitter.

This social networking thing, I had been there last time. and it wasnt a good experience.

The different is last time was youtube and this time are facebook/twitter.

I cant bear anymore of this pain.

I love him so much.

My clock has stopped again.

Goodbye.

:D

I'm feeling great today. 

No more sad story for me. 

Everything is fine so far.

Thank God for meeting me with you. :)))

E T U D E H O U S E 2

yeay! I bought Etude again ! hehe :D
but yeahh.. money is wasting but yeahh..i dont have money anymore... T-T
BUT I have Etude. so yeay??? =.="
hehehe :)

<<<<<<<<<<<< happy face ! ^________^

J U S T M E !

I'm in class now. Its graphic design class. uurrgghh.. its lab test. I need to design a poster.
While I was doing this I was like "I have no idea what I'm doing...+.+"
Well, I managed to finish it somehow. But its kinda sucks....WHY? COZ I HATE DESIGN. kekeke :)

-..- I have no idea what I'm doing

Going back now !

Now I am going back to Malacca which I wish I wouldn't do.

But life have to move on right.

Once again I wake up while dreaming about him. Like I said it will be for a few time till I can actually forget him completely and erase him from my dream too.

I hate the facts that I am like this. I have to get back on my treatment soon. I don't want to end up having this kind of me for the rest of my life.

So well, pills, here we I come again. And doctor, wait for me okie. I'm gonna continue my treatment that I stopped few years ago.

How I wish I just finish my treatment that I did for the whole 2 years. That 2 years of coming back and forth to hospital is a waste of time when I just stopped the treatment suddenly.

I should just listen to my mom and continue my treatment.

But yeah, regret later means nothing right.

For now, I can just drive to Malacca and hoping for the best.

Once again, pills, I welcome you into my life. :)

제발 ...

If we are not meant to be together then please go away from my heart quietly so that it would not hurt so much.

Please, do not come into my dream. 

I can be strong if I saw you infront of me. I can stand still without any tears coming out.

But if you come into my dreams, I can only wake up with my tears going down through my cheeks.

Its been so long since I cried in my dreams.

The last time I did that, is when I put an end to my dance dream. 

Now it happen again. I don't know when it will stop, but the sooner is better.

 

After an hour of searching for my old sim card, a dissapoinment occurred again. A message which I wish I never had read it.

"If you leave me, don't come back"

One year is the time that stop in my life when my dance dream ended. You manage to put a start into my clock again. However it stopped back.

Everything is too late now. I regret for searching back my sim card. I regret for having me who can't stand for herself. I regret for everything.

I would not want to think about anything anymore. I can just be like my old self.

The "robot" me who will only listen to my mom.

I want to break free, but I can't.

I had once "break free" from my cage when I was with you. But now I'm back into my cage.

It will take some time for me to break free from it back. I don't know when.

Only God know.

T I M E

25/8, Today date remarks the date that 2 months that we know each other.

However, today also remark the date that we both are strangers.

How I wish my life would be much better.

My family is always the cause my relationship won't work out. I hate it to accept this faith. But who am I to choose my own family.

No one had ever fight for me so hard that I can change my mind. No one ever fight for me so that I can love him soo much that what my family said isn't matter coz we both love each other so much.

I thought he would be the one. But I was wrong.

My time stop when we become strangers. 

Until my clock start again, lets just hope I can get up again and smile.

LOVE STORY

I guess my love story can never be like the fairy tales. I think it will end sooner than I expected. How I wish he can see what I really been through in order to protect him.

Sadly he can't see it. If he ever know how much I fight with my family coz of him maybe he will know how deep my love toward him?

But I don't wish to tell him bout that coz I know he wouldn't understand it.

I had a terrible past. A past that I wish that I wouldn't have to tell anyone bout it. Only certain people will know bout it. Certain people that I choose. Certain people that I loved soo much.

I once told him that there are two person that I would never think of letting go their hands. First is my roomates and second is him.

Has he forgot about it? Hmm. Peoples hearts are hard to read.

Now that things had gotten this way, I can just choose to go on my own path.

Sad? Ofcoz I will be sad. But lets just buried it deep inside my heart.

What I trying to say to him now. Guess its too late. :')

AGAIN ! :D

Hehee again, I went to ETUDE HOUSE~ yeayy mee~! hehe :D

Well I just bought one thing since I just got my duit raya aka money LOL XD

I don't want to use all of it since I want to buy 3DS XL. :)

I just sooo in love with that thing. 3DS XL is around RM800. So I need like a month salary, not eating to regularly (like I can. -.-) and then I can buy that. hehe

I'm soo want to play Harvest Moon in that thing. I can already imagine myself playing that thing for 24 hours. It will be my new husband. hehe :)

FIGHTING FOR YOUR 3DS XL GIRL ! !

W I S H I N G

20 years of living really teach me many things. Among these years all of my problems I need to settle it by myself. How I wish I can have someone special that I can share my problem to?

I just want a good listener. The one that can hear my story. Even if they can't help me but they can at least understand me. I dont want somebody to say "Oh its just a small things." "You just thinking too much" these kind of words just let me down much worse than it can be.

I just one someone that can say to me "Its going to be okay. Trust me coz I'm here" 

These small words means a lot to me. I had endure too much for all of these years. I just wish someone can say this kind of words

to 

me

now

 

R A N D O M N E S S

Wishing all the people in the world to have the most beautiful day. hehe :D

I suddenly have the feeling that tonight is a good night. LOL XD

There is soo many things that I wanted to do in my life. Such as, eat ice cream, lots of chocolates and all if the cakes in this world. I mean cheese cakee~~ weee~ hehe :D

Well, I miss my roomate. Hope she is missing me too. hehe.

Let's end this before this post getting much weirder....@.@"

A N N Y E O N G !

 

E T U D E H O U S E

ETUDE HOUSE

This is one of the Korean cosmetic. I'm soo in love with Etude House. Since my skin is kinda allergic with other cosmetic brand, so Etude is my only choice. Etude somehowe match my skin type.

Plus, Etude things is sooo adorable. If I can spend my whole day in Etude. I mean like shopping not stay there doing nothing... =.="

 hehee

Anyways, so far I had collected some of the Etude thingy. Just some, not that many since I don't really have much money to spend there. hahaa XD

Here is one of my collection~

F A L L I N G T W I C E

L O V E

A very hard word to describe in the real world. I had fallen for the same person twice. He kinda makes my heart flutter twice. Its like I am meeting with the new person again. *blushing* hehee

I think I will be loving him again just like how I used to love him at the very beginning. Hope this time it will be much more easier than the last time. :)

To my Prince, Love You ^///^

N E W M E

Hi! ^^

Kyyaaa~~ finally I manage to find my password to this blog. I thought I would never open this blog ever again! >.<

I have to save my password somewhere that I WILL remember where I put it. hehe silly mee... -.-"

Anyways, I have something that occured to me lately. Something that I wish for a loooong time ago. Something that is called

L O V E

I wish for a love story that is 드라마 처럼 (like a drama). A korean drama where the hero will do anything for the girl that he love. *blushing* hehee

Well, after finally got that things called L O V E I kinda dissapointed at first. LOVE is not what I really imagine. Maybe what I called LOVE is only exist in Korea. Malays and Koreans guys is different. I know coz I got Korean/Japanese friends. How they treat me is completely different from how Malays guys treat me. How I wish HE can come into my world and see what I really want. *sigh*

Whatever it is, I am a girl who is easily gets bored. If he likes me, he better do something quickly before I lose interest in him. Everyday at least 1% had been deducted from my heart. If there is nothings going on the way I wanted, maybe sooner or later I might dissapear from him.

Yes, I know he loves me. I love him too. I'm glad that he came back to me even I had released him. But I wish for a change. I wish for a sweet love story that I can remember for the rest of my life. hehee :D

From the very start I had fallen for him for my whole heart. I had cried, laugh about him. Now that something happen between us, I had lose my trust on him. I am the kind of girl to never trust anyone EVER again if they loses my trust. But somehow he manage to catch back my attention.

However, I can only give him at least 47% of my trust in him. Maybe if he do something that will make my trust level up again, I might trust him again just like at the begining of this relationship. :)

All of this might sound childish, but I am childish. Every single girl in this world dream of having the sweetest love story too. 

So why can't I?? ^^