sick

I'm sick of life. 

one second he is ok and the other hes not

what the hell does he want from me?

Sleep Time!

Its around 4 am now and I'm stil awake~ tehee :D

Well he told me to sleep but I need to download a korean drama. So I just end up saying I will sleep.

But shh dont tell him. hehe

I will sleep later. just 10 more minutes. >.<

Breaking Bad

I've been so good lately when I started to ignore some of the heartache memories. hehe

I had soo much support from my friends. So I'm good so far. :D

However, recently my brother gave me this series called Breaking Bad. I thought like meehhh not interested in some old man movie. But then I give it a chance then BOM! I stuck with it. LOL XD

It is such a beautiful series of an old man who will die then trying to breaking bad. like when teenagers like to break in to bad teens in their age. tehee :)

The movie makes me regret for not focusing in my chemistry class :(
nahh :P

US

The story of us. We had back together again. But its kinda not the same as the last time we got together.

No more sweet and romantic texting.

Maybe I should wait a little longer before things get back to the last time we stopped.

How I miss the old him.

I wish he didn't get tired of me. I try my best to recover back the situation.

Please give me enough strength to do this.

I know I will cry but at least I don't want him to know bout it.

I miss you 'sayang'.

No more

He said he jealous coz I talk to other boys. I stopped talking to them. Even with my own bestfriend.

Even if he couldnt see it, I stopped talking to them. They all curious why I suddenly become unfriendly.

I did that coz I want our relationship to be stronger. He can trust me and I can trust him.

However, he have soo many girl friends. too many. If I can sacrifice and stop talking to even my own bff then why cant him?

I think I just some useless girl that he only wanted when he said so. and throw me away when he doesnt want me anymore.

Its hurt.

Even how much its bleeding inside, he cant know about it.

Its because I love him I dont want him to know the pain that I bear inside.

I had cry for soo many days until my nose bleed.

And yes, its bleeding. Its hurts on the outside and in the inside.

What I can say now is, if he doesn't want me anymore then I have to walk away from his life.

There is no more reason for me to cling on him.

Now, I just have to wait for his "end" word for me.

Then I will slowly take my step away from him.

And when that days comes I will end the chapter of my life.

The feel

I think I'm sick. I'm gonna be sick for a few days now.

I just gotten to used to his words of 'I love you'.

Just face it. I wont be hearing it anymore.

Its just a feel. A feel that I can know he would not love me the same anymore.

No more "I love you" "I miss you".

He didn't called me anymore even when he know I'm sick.

He called me by my own name. No more sweet name like he used to called me.

No more everything.

What is left is just him.

I missed all of that.

I missed it a lot.

Can I?

Can I just sleep without crying?

It hurts so much.

I wish I can tell him.

But I dont wanna be a burden to him.

Crying, crying and crying.

I have so much tears.

In touch again

Now I'm back in touch with him again. I'm the one that starting to text him back. Coz I dont think that hes ever gonna text me first.

Its not the same anymore. His words, his attitude..its not the same anymore.

I want the old him who always there for me.

I'm hurt but I cant say it. coz I'm afraid it will only make him bored of me.

I've been wondering. 

Is this LOVE? Are we still in love? Or we just afraid of losing each other coz of the pain that we will bear after the break up?

I don't know the answer to it.

Life

Its hard to say the end when deep in my heart I still love him. I dont know to who should I say this.

I had been fighting with my family about him. and now when I got my family blessing He is gone.

I still carry around my handphone. wishing that I can still get his text or call.

If he ever cross my blog, in this entry, I just want to say to you that I STILL LOVE YOU. Please come back. I had no reason to find any other guys. Until you officially tell me face to face that you will let me go then I will believe that its all over between us. Until then, I will think that you just too busy to text me or you didnt have any credit to text me. I will leave it at that until the day we meet again come.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbJHQ90bkDs  <<< this is the last song that I gave him. "Girls Day - Dont forget me."

I gave to him when I was thinking about him. then later that night I found out he wanted to be single.

How clichae right.

I guess I would never had the same day like I used to ever again until I come back to his arm.

The End

This maybe gonna be the end of my post here. I had been hurt for so much and I dont think I can get back on my own very soon.

Love is a word I dont want to hear anymore. I dont think I can put my trust in love ever again.

I trust him so much and what did I discover? He wanted to be single. A facts that he put in his Twitter.

This social networking thing, I had been there last time. and it wasnt a good experience.

The different is last time was youtube and this time are facebook/twitter.

I cant bear anymore of this pain.

I love him so much.

My clock has stopped again.

Goodbye.